If school was a video game then exams would be the boss fight that we hated because it has unpredictable patterns, uses dirty tactics or that it’s just plain hard. Then after you have slain the beast of exam the credits roll in the form of your results and you get shown your highscore so you can frame it and claim immediate bragging rights or in some cases try to get a job (emphasis on ‘try), but I did what most would do and play the sequel called ‘college’. Although whilst playing college I found out that they did a reboot of school with new gameplay modes and options (or in my case, iPads for BTEC PE students), but I didn’t mind cause I’m about the old school. Although like in video games and real life the modern day will turn both of these into giant shit balls. In video games it was locked DLC, online passes and certain shitty reboots among other problems. But in education it started with increase in tuition fees with cuts of learning funds, but latest addition of DLC for the hit real life video game ‘Call of Coalition – Gullible Students’ was announced in parliament last week called ‘EBaccuation’.
Ok I’ll stop the video game puns
In case you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about it’s the replacement of GCSE examinations with English Baccalaureate Certificate, yes they will be only happening in England (at the moment) and yes they won’t be rolled out until 2017 but doesn’t change the fact that it is wrong. To put into terms that hopefully Micheal Grove (the prick responsible pictured below) can understand, the change will means that instead of being graded by well structured modules of coursework followed by exams that give a good impression of a students ability by all that being scrapped by a method so dated and bullshit it gave rise to the GCSEs which is basically one huge exam at the end that decides your fate. Believe me it makes sense when you’re a Tory, or a bitch.
As mentioned before these exams won’t be issued until 2017, that’ll give them plenty of time to include these questions in the new papers:-
These dated exams are the way forward for a modern Britain. Use logic to back this statement.
GCSEs are too easy. Discuss.
Harry isn’t good at exams but he can produce excellent coursework that would’ve reflected brilliantly if he was doing GCSEs. Is there any hope for Harry?
George Osborne, David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Michael Grove walk down an alleyway and they encounter a dozen students. 2 of them have brass knuckles, 4 of them have cricket bats, 3 of them have lead pipes, 1 of them has a knife, 2 of them are Year 7 pupils and all of them won’t be able to go to university. Form an algebraic equation to find out if any of them get out alive.
Luckily I’m Welsh and there are no words of this system coming to Wales but it’ll come eventually, all shitty things from England come to Wales eventually (Bullshit MTV reality shows) cough cough. The only way I could end this with some real meaning is for me to speak in behalf of the students of my generation as well as future generations by saying this.
“I would like to be taken out on a nice dinner before being fucked in the ass”