The Witch (2015) Review

The horror movie critics loved but was hated by everyone else

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The Witch was a movie that got me really pumped after I saw the trailer, I absolutely love dark history from Jack the ripper to the great western railway murders and I honestly cant get enough of it, but if there is any one particular part of history that fascinates me the most it has to be anytime between the 1400’s and the 1600’s, the time between these three decades was when the biggest threat in existence was that of a witch.

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Witchcraft was believed to be the work of the Devil and anyone who was believed to  be a witch would have been put on trial in a court where they must prove their innocence in order to avoid execution, a very famous court case was the Salem Witch Trials.

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The Film (The Witch) takes place in the 1630’s, the story is about a religious family who  have to deal with a barrage of bad luck and unusual circumstances after their youngest child mysteriously goes missing, from reading the title of the movie it is obvious that the cause of these issues is obviously some type of witchcraft, the main premise may sound like your average horror movie involving evil witches but you may be surprised to learn that the film actually has a very slow pace and most of the time you are seeing the family deal with emotional and financial problems a lot more than watching them meet a grizzly fate, a lot of the hate is caused by the slow pacing of the movie but I believe that most people dislike the film due to the directors choice for the dialogue, the movie uses English words and phrases taken directly from the King James Bible which is how people used to speak back in the day, unless you have studied the old English language and at least have a basic understanding of its translation and meaning then you will most likely pull your hair out trying to understand what people are saying in this film, for example here is some dialogue I took from IMDB.

William: [before the court] What went we out into this wilderness to find? Leaving our country, kindred, our fathers houses? We have travailed a vast ocean. For what? For what?

Governor: We must ask thee to be silent!

William: Was it not for the pure and faithful dispensation of the Gospels, and the Kingdom of God?

Old Slater: No More! We are *your* judges, and not you ours!

William: I cannot be judged by false Christians, for I have done nothing, save preach Christ’s true Gospel.

Governor: Must you continue to dishonor the laws of the commonwealth and the church with your prideful conceit?

William: If my conscience sees it fit.

Governor: Then shall you be banished out of this plantations liberties!

William: I would be glad of it.

Governor: Then take your leave, and trouble us no further.

William: How sadly hath The Lord testified against you.

Do you see what I mean?

I personally loved the film but I have studied the history of the English Language and I do prefer more slow paced horror films over the more traditional and in your face style we usually get these days, critics adored this movie because of how historically accurate it was, the film even got the Witchcraft elements accurate for the most part, this is traditional Witchcraft more than it is Harry Potter Witchcraft, regardless of the mixed reviews this film received I think everyone should at least give it a go.

I hope you enjoyed this Review of The Witch

BTW if you want to learn more about traditional Witchcraft may I recommend this documentary about the Pendle Witch Child, its really interesting and is one of my all time favorite documentaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv-JDUfADiw

you can contact me at ragglefragglereviews@gmail.com

 

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Special Delivery (2000) Review

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Lloyd Steadman is a clumsy delivery man for the Little Wings adoption agency, due to unforeseen circumstances Lloyd is the replacement delivery man for the Beck family and it is now his job to deliver the Becks their new son in time for Christmas.

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This doesn’t exactly go to plan because Lloyd manages to accidentally switch the real baby with a toy doll, this causes all sorts of complications for the Beck family who with the exception of the husband are surprisingly ok with this and they even invite Lloyd to stay with them for Christmas.

I have to be honest if some idiot lost my Daughter they would most definitely not be staying at my house for Christmas.

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I really liked the Husband in this movie I thought his lines and dialogue were perfect for this kind of film, his rage and anger at Lloyd were definitely the best parts of the flick, I hated everyone else though they kept treating the husband like he was the bad guy and this wasn’t just played up to attempt decent comedy, the film portrayed Mr Beck as if he was a horrible person for not wanting to be around Lloyd, his Wife treated the whole situation as if Lloyd simply smashed a mug and brushed the whole thing off.

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I was left with so many questions while I was watching this film, why isn’t the entire family angry at Lloyd?, why did Lloyd not immediately get fired?, why didn’t the police get involved? THIS IDIOT LEFT AN INFANT BY ITSELF IN A BUSY AIRPORT  last time I checked abandoning a child is against the law.

What also didn’t help this movie was Andy Dick (Lloyd), he was so annoying I just wanted to punch him in the face, his acting was atrocious and it honestly felt like he was just there for the pay cheque, the film is not funny at all, a lot of the comedy relies on the comedic affect of slap stick and its just awful, the jokes are really badly paced and a lot of the time they are either really over the top or extremely unrealistic.

Special Delivery is an ok movie, I wouldn’t recommend watching it but if you do you might like it as a lot of people seem to really enjoy the film, its just not for me.

Thanks for reading my Review of Special Delivery

The next Christmas movie I will review is

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you can contact me at ragglefragglereviews@gmail.com